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About Literature / Hobbyist StephanieFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
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  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: My fiance playing Candy Crush
  • Reading: My words as I type
  • Watching: Former friends on Facebook
I'm starting to feel some poetry nostalgia coming on. I deleted all of my old poetry, every form of it I have in existence, which I regret from time to time. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I feel some depth to my emotions. The kind of depth I require to write about them. But instead of that fueling the vows I should be writing, I feel it going a different course.

Maybe it's the wedding. Makes you look back and think about your life. Makes me think of all the friends I had wanted to stand with me as my bridesmaids. And makes my heart twist when I look at the much smaller group I have to stand with me.

I'm going back through things from my past. People from my past. I wonder how it's possible, to care for someone so much when they care for you so little? When they had no issue just dropping you, or just letting you fall out of their life? One of my lost friends, I messaged her before we lost it all. Begging her to tell me what I did wrong. To help me fix it. She did not fight for me. None of them did.

I find myself going through their Facebook pages, going over their status's, trying to see if they post anything about me. Not out of vanity, or pride. But to see if they care, if they miss me, if it seems like they check on me every now and then.

I don't understand how I can be the only one who cared ... I loved them so wholly, so deeply. Yes I changed, and most didn't change with me. Some changed as well, but our changes drove us apart, as we weren't changing in sync. But my heart hurts to look back at it. And I find myself crying in the middle of the night every now and then. My fiancé waking up to hold me and asking me what's wrong. Her soothing me and telling me not to let them hurt me. That they aren't worth my pain, that they don't care about me and don't deserve me to care.

But I find it hard to not care. We loved each other once, did we not? Whether romantically, or just as the truest of friends, we all loved each other. So what happened to that love? What made you all forget that you loved me that way, made you have no remorse letting me fade off to the side?

Don't get me wrong here. I'm really happy with my life. I'm getting married in two months, I have two beautiful dogs, we are already planning for children, I feel so happy and safe and excited for my future, and I am moving up in my job.

There is just a small part of me that wishes that the ones I lost would be here happy with me about my life, and I about theirs.

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xPseudoHuman
Stephanie
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States


Hello there.

I’m awesome. I’m nerdy. I’m derpy.
Since you’re reading this, I might as well amuse you.
Here’s more bits about me.

My favorite color is Grey. I spell it “Grey”, not “Gray”.
Favorite number is 3.
I am married, and I have the greatest wife ever, I love her so much.
We have two dogs, named Yoshi and Totoro.
I love to D A N C E
Get me on the dance floor and I'll never stop.
I just love to laugh.

I take photographs when the right mood strikes me, and I love to have photoshoots with my friends.
Mainly I write poems and no, my poems don't rhyme. They're just my life. This account is my second, I made it to start fresh from my old one. I have twenty-something poems that will never be posted here, just because they were part of what I was moving away from. Not the poems themselves, just the life in them. I wanted to start fresh.
I am a Christian and I love God.
But don't assume because of that that you know who I am, or what I'm like.
I have scars that tell quite a story. And I'm not judging of others scars. Life gets hard. It's tough sometimes. The important thing is to be tougher. :heart:

Interests
  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: My fiance playing Candy Crush
  • Reading: My words as I type
  • Watching: Former friends on Facebook
I'm starting to feel some poetry nostalgia coming on. I deleted all of my old poetry, every form of it I have in existence, which I regret from time to time. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I feel some depth to my emotions. The kind of depth I require to write about them. But instead of that fueling the vows I should be writing, I feel it going a different course.

Maybe it's the wedding. Makes you look back and think about your life. Makes me think of all the friends I had wanted to stand with me as my bridesmaids. And makes my heart twist when I look at the much smaller group I have to stand with me.

I'm going back through things from my past. People from my past. I wonder how it's possible, to care for someone so much when they care for you so little? When they had no issue just dropping you, or just letting you fall out of their life? One of my lost friends, I messaged her before we lost it all. Begging her to tell me what I did wrong. To help me fix it. She did not fight for me. None of them did.

I find myself going through their Facebook pages, going over their status's, trying to see if they post anything about me. Not out of vanity, or pride. But to see if they care, if they miss me, if it seems like they check on me every now and then.

I don't understand how I can be the only one who cared ... I loved them so wholly, so deeply. Yes I changed, and most didn't change with me. Some changed as well, but our changes drove us apart, as we weren't changing in sync. But my heart hurts to look back at it. And I find myself crying in the middle of the night every now and then. My fiancé waking up to hold me and asking me what's wrong. Her soothing me and telling me not to let them hurt me. That they aren't worth my pain, that they don't care about me and don't deserve me to care.

But I find it hard to not care. We loved each other once, did we not? Whether romantically, or just as the truest of friends, we all loved each other. So what happened to that love? What made you all forget that you loved me that way, made you have no remorse letting me fade off to the side?

Don't get me wrong here. I'm really happy with my life. I'm getting married in two months, I have two beautiful dogs, we are already planning for children, I feel so happy and safe and excited for my future, and I am moving up in my job.

There is just a small part of me that wishes that the ones I lost would be here happy with me about my life, and I about theirs.

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Comments


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:iconfluffyparcel:
FluffyParcel Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013  Student Artisan Crafter
thank you for faving my cyndaquil :D
Reply
:iconladythesta:
ladythesta Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the fave! It really means a lot to me knowing that others are enjoying my work. :heart:
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:icontheirritatingpenguin:
TheIrritatingPenguin Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanking you for le favourite!! :dummy:
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:iconnicholasgambit666:
NicholasGambit666 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the Favorite ^_^
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:icondarniy:
Darniy Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the :+fav:
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:iconsmudgethistle:
SmudgeThistle Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you very much for the favorite on my Doctor Who comic strip, "Cybermen+Daleks"! :D
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:iconxpseudohuman:
xPseudoHuman Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for making it, my friend and I laughed so hard at it.
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:iconsmudgethistle:
SmudgeThistle Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist
I'm so glad! :aww: It was worth making then. :)
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